Blogger, really it's me, it's not you. You didn't do anything wrong, t's just that I got this invitation to go take my posts to Vox. You know, they're an exclusive blogger site, and they just have a lot more to offer me. I know this is going to be hard on you, but I've already decided I'm going to let you keep all my old posts on here. I just won't be coming back. If you want to forward me my mail, the new address is:

http://padthai.vox.com/

Remember, there are plenty of other fish in the sea.

The dating scene here at the Grove is mostly, if not all dead. There are two choices, you can either a) abstain from dating, or b) you can get engaged. Most people choose option a because they are afraid of option b. It's quite disgusting. Life would be much easier if all could simply adopt the idea: date early and date often. The young men are afraid of getting roped into commitment and the young girls are afraid of no commitment. This is exactly why I have prepared a short guide to dating.

1. If you see someone interesting, it's ok to want to get to know them better. First, find something to talk to them about. A good first start would be "I'm reading that same book," not "You're hot."
2. Hanging out one-on-one can very easily be considered a date. "Wanna hang out tomorrow?" is much less threatening than "Would you like to go on a date with me?"
3. While conversating (yes, I made it up), keep things light. DO NOT under ANY circumstances mention marriage, or the possibility of children.
4. If you are interested in this person, make eye contact while talking, pay attention to what they say. Lean in if you want to show intrigue; touch his/her arm lightly if it is appropriate. Never smack their booty or growl. Ever. End of discussion.
5. If you have some money, you can offer to pay; Dutch treat is also acceptable.
6. At the end of the "date" do not get too physical. (Yes boys, grabbing her boob is considered too physical) A kiss is not always the best way to end either. Handshakes are awkward in parting. When the time comes, you'll know what to do.
7. If you had a good time, it is not too forward to ask him/her to hang out again. This is why it is called dating, the word is a gerund, signaling the action is ongoing.
8. It is also not a crime to date more than one person simultaneously. Exclusive dating is another chapter.

If this doesn't work, I'm sorry for you. If it is any consolation, I've decided I'm going to end up like the woman in yellow. Still trying to turn a few heads. (Blue hair optional)

You've all seen Ghost World, right? Remember, Scarlet Johanson was in her ugly phase, she sounded like Carol Channing without the funny accent? You with me? Ok. Well Remember that song that plays in the beginning, when Enid is in all her gold glory and she's shaking her head like a mad woman to the beat of this crazy song... Well here is that crazy song. Feel free to dance around and shake your head like a mad (wo)man.




By the way, this masterpiece is called "Jaan Pehechaan Ho"
To sing a-long:
Jaan Pehechan Ho, Jeena Aasaan Ho,
Dil Ko Churane Wale Aakh Na Churaavo, Naam Tho Bataavo

In English

Lets get to know each other, it will make life easier, oh you heart stealer, don’t shy away, tell me your name!

Jaan Pehechaan ho does not mean "I have a boner!"

One thing I genuinely missed about college: public bathrooms.
They are a very awkward invention. People are very sensitive when it comes to the bathroom, they don't want to be identified as the person just in that stall. And who would? Sometimes I'll hide out until I'm sure everyone has left. I mean everyone does it, right?

Well when I was in the 3rd grade I found out the hard way that people like their privacy in the restroom. All 8 of us girls in my 3rd grade class would line up to go to the bathroom and wash our hands before lunch. At some point prior to this particular day in the 3rd grade I realized you could stand on the toilet seat and look over the wall at people. (It beat trying to figure out who they were by their feet). I had done this surreptitiously enough times to go undetected. So one day I peeped over and saw Mrs. Barclay, my third grade teacher. Now I was good at my craft so I knew how to be quiet. But Mrs. Barclay must have seen my little head rise above the stall wall out of the corner of her eye... She looked up and yelled

"JESSICA!!! What on EARTH are you doing!?!?"

I jumped down and ran out of the bathroom. The subject was never discussed further, and I quit my life of peeping Tommery.

Everyone loves Goodwill right? I mean, I know I do; if you spend enough time there you can find practically anything. Some of my fondest childhood memories took place in the local Goodwill. So you can imagine I was incensed when they raised the prices. I believe it's now about $4.99 for a skirt, and to top it off they got rid of half-off day!!! I mean they get all this stuff for free... where does the money even go!?

The one redeeming quality Goodwill has is their institution of Goodwill "outlets." All the reject clothing from surrounding stores gets transported to an outlet and sold for $1.39 a pound. The workers wheel out these cages, probably donated from the zoo, and just dump clothing into these huge bins. Everyone flocks to the new merchandise and begins to dig. It's like lions descending on a carcass. (Note man in wife-beater digging intently)



Don't get me wrong, I'm sure that Goodwill does a nice job of donating some money... somewhere, but I like to think that I help keep the system in check. Whenever I donate bags upon bags of clothing, I am sure to throw a few things in to hinder the sorting: holey socks, dead batteries, and used tissues.

Sorry chaps, I've been on hiatus lately, things have been busy. I probably won't be able to sit down and think up any witticisms for you until I move back into the dorm so here is a tidbit to keep you occupied:

I'd like to know when the change from sitting down at concerts changed to standing up. Was it just because once they forgot to set up chairs? Was it a fad from the start? One of the things my mom doesn't understand about "my music" is why everyone stands up at concerts, it doesn't make a whole lot of sense. It's like you're giving the band a standing ovation the whole time. I mean, what do you do if they are terrible? Sit down?

Aside from the fact that constant show-goers will have planter fasciitis in a few years, another problem arises: what to do while standing. Now of course the answer to this question depends upon what type of show you go to.

• Heavy Metal/Rock -- head bang
• Country -- chew tobacky
• Gospel -- clap
• Rap -- smack your b---- up
• Indie -- ...

At indie, we come to a conundrum. Should we stand there and sort of bob our head or should we Dance?! There are the kids that pretend not to be excited at a show and just sort of nod a few times, and then there are those who resort to shoulder shaking, hip swiveling, and clapping.

This man and I prefer to dance.